Dear Bunmi, 

You recently advised a 20-year-old man that when he’s with a woman he cares for, he shouldn’t hesitate if they both wanted to know each other erotically; that making love was the most natural thing in the world. 

I agree with you that it is – with love and commitment in marriage. I feel sad that these days love-making is regarded so lightly and, as a result very few relationships or marriages last; young girls get pregnant, and teenagers who are not mature face problems. When I was younger, I was in love with many boys. 

If I had indulged in love-making with all of them, I would have regretted it by the time I met my husband. He and I were friends first, and our love developed slowly. 

We knew a lot about each other before we got married and only then did we embark on our desires and then to fulfil them in the security of marriage was the most wonderful, lasting and satisfying experience. 

Consequently, our marriage lasted 40 years and our love and respect for each other was deep. Sadly, I’m now a widow. I pray that the sanctity of love and love-making could return. Instead, love- making seems to have become cheap and tawdry. I respect your view. But please tell young people to hesitate before engaging in love-making. Casual love-making is a disaster. 

Source: Beatrice, by e-mail, wrote to Vanguard Relationship page

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